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The secrets behind the letter that pulled a 100 percent response
Roscoe Barnes III. Fund Raising Management. Garden City: May 2000. Vol. 31, Iss. 3; pg. 6, 2 pgs

Abstract (Summary)

Secrets learned from Bruce Barton, ad giant of BBDO, about writing a fundraising letter that generates great responses are examined. Tips include: 1. Appeal to the wealthy. 2. Ooze with sincerity. 3. Cover all of the bases. 4. Make the letter intensely personal. 5. Open the letter with warmth and suspense. 6. Give a detailed background. 7. Paint a vivid picture of the need.

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Copyright Hoke Communications, Incorporated May 2000

How would you like to write a fundraising letter that generates a whopping 100 percent response? I'm speaking of a letter that prompts every single one of your prospects to pick up their pocket books and send you (or your client) a check.

Imagine the thrill! The excitement! Well, it can be done. In fact, it has been done, from time to time by a few good writers.

Remember Bruce Barton? He was the ad giant of BBDO (Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborn) who wrote letters that broke all kinds of records.

The Letter That Made History

In 1925, he wrote a letter for Berea College in Kentucky that nailed an astonishing 100 percent response. The letter, sent to 24 people, pulled in over $30,000 in contributions. And that was in 1925. Success like that was unheard of at the time.

Barton generated similar results for a number of other projects.

In light of those achievements, you have to wonder: How did he do it?

Well, thanks to noted author and copywriter, Joe Vitale, we can now find out.

A few years ago, Vitale wrote an excellent book on Barton titled, The Seven Lost Secrets of Success: How the Million Dollar Ideas of America's Forgotten Genius-Bruce Barton-Can Help You & Your Business Become a Roaring Success TODAY! (Awareness Publications, 1998)

Throughout the book, Vitale gives many examples of Barton's success and the secrets behind his success. One of the jewels in the books is an actual copy of the 1925 letter that made history.

The Appeal To The Wealthy

In the letter, which stretched to about three pages in length, Barton calls on 24 wealthy men to donate $1,000 on behalf of the struggling Berea College. AD 24 of the men responded. But instead of sending $24,000, they sent a total of more than $30,000.

According to legendary copywriter Stan "Doc" Peters, the response to Barton's letter was no small feat.

"Despite the fact that the 24 gentlemen were millionaires and that the $1,000 was probably deductible from their income taxes, [that] doesn't take any play away from the Bruce Barton sales letter," Peters once wrote.

"Millionaires receive appeals like this every day," he continued. "But they don't respond to them. It will no doubt be hailed as THE sales letter for many, many years."

I recently took another look at Barton's letter to see what today's fund raisers can learn from it. I also interviewed Vitale to get his insight into Barton's "secrets."

Here's what I found:

1) The letter oozed with sincerity.

According to Vitale, Barton's key secret was "sincerity."

"All of his letters were honest, open communications, as if written from one person's heart to another person's heart," he said. "The results were staggering. We can all learn from that."

2) The letter covered all the bases.

This may be the main reason for the letter's success. "It told a complete story," said Vitale. "It weaved emotion throughout, was thickly sincere, pulled at the heart and asked for the order."

The letter moved at a slow pace, as if Barton was having a serious talk and wanted the donors to really understand the need being addressed. Patiently, he touched on everything like history, fears, poverty, faith, hope, jobs, education-the very issues that would trigger a response.

3) The letter was intensely personal.

Barton's letter had no headlines or subheads. There also was no "P.S." or any highlighted parts in the letter. Still it worked.

The reason, said Vitale, is that the letter was a personal letter. It was typed specifically for each person who received it.

"When you're that personal, you don't need headlines," Vitale said. "Me 'Dear name' is the most powerful headline of all. Also, this was sent out in the mid-20s when we didn't have TV, computers, the Internet, etc. to distract us."

4) The letter opened with warmth and suspense.

Consider this excerpt:

"Dear Mr. Blank,

"For the past three or four years, things have been going pretty well at our house. We pay our bills, afford such luxuries as having the children's tonsils out, and still have something in the bank at the end of the year. So far as business is concerned, therefore, I have felt fairly well content.

"But there is another side to a man which every now and then gets restless. It says: 'What good are you anyway? ...."

When I first read this, I was struck by two things. First, Barton opened by referring to himself. Second, he used a long paragraph (at least by today's standards). It appeared that he was breaking the rules, kicking some of the sacred cows of copywriting.

Still, it worked. And for good reasons. "Barton was a celebrity," explained Vitale. "His name and his sincerity drew readers into his words. His opening paragraph hints at a problem. You have to keep reading to find out what is wrong in the great celebrity's house."

5) The letter gave detailed background.

It wasn't enough for Barton to merely state the need and ask for money. He went further by delving into the history of the problem. Here's how he did it:

"This letter is being mailed to 23 men besides yourself, twenty-five of us altogether. I honestly believe that it offers an opportunity to get a maximum amount of satisfaction for a minimum sum.

"Let me give you the background.

"Among the first comers to this country were some pure blooded English folks who settled in Virginia but, being more hardy and venturesome than the average, pushed on west and settled in the mountains of Kentucky, Tennessee, North and South Carolina. They were stalwart lads and lassies. They fought the first battle against the British and shed the first blood."

6) The letter painted a vivid picture of the need.

After describing other historical exploits by the settlers, who were living and attending school in Kentucky, Barton made this startling statement:

"They have had a rotten deal from Fate. There are no roads into the mountains, no trains, no ways of making money. So our prosperity has circled all around them and left them pretty much untouched."

Barton talked about the little boys and girls who struggled to live in the mountains. He highlighted their potential and compared them to kids from other parts of the country. He then introduced the college.

"Now, away back in the Civil War days, a little college was started in the Kentucky mountains. It started with faith, hope and sacrifice and those three virtues are the only endowment it has ever had."

After that introduction, Barton showed in picturesque language what it was like to attend school. Along the way, he continued to point out the potential of the students. Here's an example:

"One boy walked in a hundred miles, leading a cow. He stabled the cow in the village, milked her night and morning, peddled the milk and put himself through college. He is now a major in the United States Army. His brother, who owned half the cow, is a missionary in Africa."

7) The letter showed Barton's role in supporting the cause.

As Vitale has said, Barton never supported something that he did not believe in. In the case of Berea College, his support was not only made by his copywriting, but by his generosity as well.

In fact, he noted this in his letter:"I have agreed to take ten boys and pay the deficit on their education each year, $1,000. I have agreed to do this if I can get 24 other men who will each take ten."

8) The letter makes a direct call for action.

Barton doesn't beat around the bush when asking for contributions. He also doesn't waste words.

"This is a long letter, and I could be writing a piece for the magazines and collecting for it in the time it has taken me to turn it out. So, remember that this is different from any other appeal that ever came to you. Most appeals are made by people who profit from a favorable response, but this appeal is hurting me a lot more than it can possibly hurt you.

"What will you have, ten boys or ten girls?

"Cordially yours, Bruce Barton."

Wow! What an ending!

It also happens to be Vitale's favorite part of the letter.

"The ending calls for action," he said. "(Barton) assumes you will donate. `Yes' or `No' are not options."

There's More To Be Learned

In terms of Barton's writing techniques and copywriting ideas, this article only touches the surface. Still, it should wet your appetite for writing record-breaking copy.

Vitale, noticeably inspired by Barton, has successfully modeled some of his own letters are the one in discussion here. One of them (featured in "The Seven Lost Secrets ...") pulled a 97 percent response.

Thanks to Barton, he said, this was "one of the most celebrated letters of my career."

For more inforrnation on Bruce Barton, including articles on writing letters, etc., visit Joe Vitale s Web site at: www.mrfire.com Send e-mail to: Joe@mrfire.com.

[Author Affiliation]
Roscoe Barnes III, an award-winning journalist and freelance copywriter, specializes in fund raising and direct mail marketing. He's the author of Scooping the Competition: How to Be First in Reporting Hot Stories. Reach him at: P.O. Box 780, Waynesboro, PA 17268; (717) 762741. E-mail: roscoebarnes@innernet.net or roscoebarnes@webtv. net.

Indexing (document details)

Subjects:Fund raising,  Letters,  Guidelines,  Effectiveness,  Response rates,  Nonprofit organizations
Classification Codes9190 United States,  9150 Guidelines,  9540 Non-profit institutions
Locations:United States,  US
People:Barton, Bruce
Author(s):Roscoe Barnes III
Author Affiliation:Roscoe Barnes III, an award-winning journalist and freelance copywriter, specializes in fund raising and direct mail marketing. He's the author of Scooping the Competition: How to Be First in Reporting Hot Stories. Reach him at: P.O. Box 780, Waynesboro, PA 17268; (717) 762741. E-mail: roscoebarnes@innernet.net or roscoebarnes@webtv. net.
Document types:Feature
Publication title:Fund Raising Management. Garden City: May 2000. Vol. 31, Iss. 3;  pg. 6, 2 pgs
Source type:Periodical
ISSN:0016268X
ProQuest document ID:55693094
Text Word Count1559
Document URL:

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