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Managers can prevent misunderstanding by using 5 specific communication tools to create a shared context and common meaning: 1. Use phrases that sum up the talk. 2. Ask questions. 3. Paraphrase. 4. Use examples. 5. Tell stories. Ultimately, the secret to avoiding misunderstanding is to get people to talk about what they do not understand.

Copyright Penton Media, Inc. Jul 1999

As a manager, you thought you gave clear and explicit instructions to your staff, but they did things differently from what you told them. You spoke plain English. You know they understand English. So where is the problem? Is this insubordination, insurrection, or a normal day at the office?

Misunderstanding is common. According to Richard Heyman, author of Why Didn't You Say That in the First Place?, misunderstanding is normal because words have multiple meanings.

How you understand words depends upon context and content. Context is the who, what, when, where, why and how of a situation. Say the same words in different contexts, and you send different messages. You can send the same message many ways within the same context.

According to Heyman, three aspects of communication have important consequences in our lives and in organizations:

1. People take for granted that we understand them. This is the et cetera principle. People expect that we will fill in what they have not said.

2. People trust us to fill in the correct meaning. People also expect us to understand without asking questions.

3. People often get annoyed and defensive when we ask them to be more precise about what they are saying.

Because of the vagueness and ambiguity of language, misunderstanding is normal. It also is costly. Misunderstandings cause you grief and waste your organization's time and money in many ways. For example, you or your staff must redo work because you misunderstood the goal of the work or the instructions for doing the work. Your clients are unhappy because their needs are unclear and unfulfilled. You attend useless and unproductive meetings where no one understands the purpose of the meeting. Does this sound familiar?

Mind reading is the basis of misunderstanding. We expect others to read our minds and fill in the blanks. When ,in frustration, you exclaim, "What do you think I am, a mind reader?" the answer is, "Yes." That's exactly what people expect you to be, and that is a root cause of misunderstanding.

Shared context is the foundation of understanding. Heyman explains, "We create the context, whether consciously or not, by picking and choosing from among alternative interpretations of the situation."

We create shared context by talking and asking questions. "We produce shared context through talk. We give explicit information that the listener might not have, and we ask questions to make sure what we have said is understood," explains Heyman.

How to Prevent Misunderstanding. You prevent misunderstandings by using five specific communication tools to create a shared context and a common meaning:

1. Use phrases that sum up the talk. Phrases such as:

"I want to talk to you about ....."

"So what you are saying is ... ?"

"Are you telling me that ... ?"

2. Ask questions. Asking questions requires the other person to answer and help clarify our understanding. By asking questions, you indicate to the other person what you are having difficulty understanding. When someone is making a point, you can ask "How specifically, ... ?" or "What, specifically, ... ?"

3. Paraphrase. Sum up your understanding of what has been said. Active listening is a special form of listening in which you reflect the content and the feeling the other person has expressed. Paraphrasing and active listening allow the other person to correct us if we have misunderstood him. Paraphrasing also assures him that you have understood. This goes a long way in building relationships and shared contexts.

4. Use examples. Give an example to illustrate your point, or ask the other person to give you an example. Simply say, "For example .... "

5. Tell stories. From ancient times, people have used stories to communicate ideas. You can tell stories supporting your message. You also can tell a story to make sure you have understood someone. For example, you might say, "That's, like when .... "Then tell your story to get confirmation that your experience was similar or correction that the person's meaning is different.

Importance of Training. Some managers make the mistake of believing that just giving information ensures understanding. It does not. Understanding comes from shared interpretation, not shared information. This is why training is so important for organizations. Training creates a shared experience and a shared context. A common mistake is to train only some employees. Companies send the troops to be trained without giving the managers the same training, or they train the managers without training the manager's staff. The value of training is the common context that it creates.

Ultimately, the secret to avoiding misunderstanding is to get people to talk about what they don't understand. The meaning of your communication is the response you get. If you are not getting the response you want, talk more. To improve understanding, use the five communication tools that help create shared context and meaning. OH